Okay folks, now's your chance to arm yourselves with the pokers to push my buttons because today I thought it might be fun to make a list of all the things that I'm afraid of:
1) missing someone's sarcasm - there's nothing worse than getting laughed AT while thinking everyone is laughing WITH.
2) scaring people - I do it often. I'd rather be hated than feared.
3) small spaces - I'm claustrophobic. Take after my mom that way. I once passed out in an over-stuffed elevator that got stuck between floors. Also, I had to walk out of that movie "Alive" during the scene when the avalanche traps them in the plane (gimme a break, I was like 12).
4) oblivious destruction - I have a bad habit of wrecking things by accident.
5) calculated destruction - I have a bad habit of wrecking things on purpose, usually due to one of these other fears.
6) self-destruction - The hardest habit to break by far.
7) pain - I don't mind the idea of dying, it's the excrutiating moments before hand that worry me.
8) illusions - I'm never sure what to believe. I'm suspicious of everything.
9) scorpios
10) Hell - Call me old-fashioned.
11) public humiliation - I've had enough of it to know it sucks. And I'm still not sure it "makes you stronger".
12) private humiliation - Usually imposed on myself, when no one else is around. Usually takes the form of a poem which I then post here. See number 11.
13) roadkill - Well, more accurately, being the one to produce said roadkill.
14) weakness - Okay, I admit it, I have pride issues.
15) power - It would be nothin but bad news in my hands.
16) love - Because personal experience has taught me it's WAY uglier than they make it look in the picture books.
17) abandonment - Cliched, I know, but damn it, no one ever stays put, including me. Might have something to do with number 2.
18) exposure - The less people know about me, the better. In fact, I'll probably delete this list by tomorrow.
19) poverty - I've been on the precipice of it enough times to know that the only people who think money doesn't matter are the ones who have plenty of it.
20) The death of romance - Everyone's a cynic. See numbers 1 and 8.
21) honesty - Truth hurts. Nuff said.
22) dishonesty - Lies hurt more.
23) B. O. - Not sure why. It's not like I've ever had an episode or anything, but there it is.
24) misunderstanding - I always suspect that people think I'm stupid.
25) being misunderstood - I'm not stupid.
26) my own hubris - Hindsight is always 20/20, and it makes me shudder how many mistakes I've made, how many people I've probably hurt, usually without ever even knowing it.
27) the future
28) the past - I wonder if I'll ever escape it, or if I even want to.
29) conspiracy - I'm a true obsessive/compulsive paranoid/schizophrenic manic/depressive personality. Seriously. I've been on Paxil, Zoloft, various "self-prescribed" substances, and I wouldn't be surprised if the list grows in the future. I'm a sucker for prescriptions.

30) missing things - I don't want to leave anything out, but I'm gonna stop the list here cause it's wearing me out.