FATE

Everything seems to be careening toward a new sense of normalcy that looks nothing like my past circumstances. So I'm married now. To a guy who is nothing like my past circumstances. It's amazing how swiftly priorities can shift. I feel more focused now. Like there's a new purpose to my actions. I have duties to fulfill now: a reason for better direction. Reuben. Astrid. Those will be their names. I'm making stamps to use on letters later. I'm hooking up phone lines for business deals. I'm tearing down archetypes to make room for parking lots. Or temples. I still haven't changed my signature. I'm using the old, reliable hyphen. I'm Mrs. Brettle-Seghers. Or "Breghers" to my very good friends. I'm applying for a million jobs and lacking in a million responses. I want to go back to school, but I'm not in the mood for the work. I have better deals to work on now. More significant moves to make. I have a hot hubby and a friend who needs a place to live. I have big debts and big dreams. My future is well starred. I can't say as much for my personality. Maybe. But maybe I know the messiah. Maybe I met him in my dreams last night. Maybe I met her in a bar when I was 19. Maybe I'll die in a conference room in China. Maybe I'll move to Mexico. Maybe I'll be an ironic cult rock-star when I turn 40. Maybe I'll be a mystic only visited by the intellectually elite and when I die no one will speak my name even though everyone knows it. Maybe I'll go quietly. Maybe I will rage, rage against the dying of the light.