So there's this HUGE chunk of my archives missing from a few months back, and all acceptable attempts at retrieving them have failed. However, I rediscovered them by accident through a cache in a search engine, so I'm going to re-post them here. So this stuff is all old news, but at least I'll have it floating around my archives somewhere now...

:: Thursday, March 27, 2003 ::

TORCH WOMAN

It's alright baby.
I understand.
I'm just too much, right?
for this sluggish land.
The wattage is too high
for this little lamp
burning oil
from your radiant hair
each strand a prism
and my prison
like a fire-fly
caught in a glass jar
(did you know that glass is a slow-moving liquid?)
shards of shock,
sharp droplettes of surrender
sex shimmering like stars
against a flooded sky of fluttering
black doves

So who's holding the light
at the end of the birth canal?
You best pray
It's more benevolent
than banal.
You can feel God's breath
on the nape of your neck
in these woods,
a curly forest
of forensic fullfilment
and headlights winking between browning leaves...
Can you see the trees?
Can you see the trees?
These silouhettes of dashed dreams,
Can you see the trees?
Can you see the trees?
Tell me
you can see the trees...

:: natabaloo 5:42 PM [+] :: 1 Shout Out ...

:: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 ::

Inspired by the dream I had the other night...

HERMETIC DREAMING

Finally,
though it seems so long since last,
she comes to a new theme
that does not remind her
of something already passed.
The smooth illusions of beauty
short circuit and reveal themselves
as empty
and as she plunges into baptizmal oceans
of inner clarity
suddenly the flaws in truer dreaming
become again most captivating.
Vibrant colours bleed and fade
into calming shades.
Blemishes illuminate the coldest face
and let her soul relax
into leaden grace.

Dull secrets comfort weakened hearts
and hermetic love needs no introduction.

Nice quote (may be paraphrased slightly) from Osho.com:"The only difference between illusions and reality is that illusions leave you no room to doubt."

:: natabaloo 7:45 AM [+] :: Shout Out ...

:: Tuesday, March 25, 2003 ::

So I had this crazy dream a few nights ago and I can't get it out of my head. I tried to explain it to one of my prof's and she looked at me like I was crazy. I dreamt that I was in the future: I assume that either I was propelled there or someone 'unfroze' me, I have no idea. So anyway, I was wandering around aimlessly because of course all my friends and family were dead and gone, and I obviously had no futur-y skills to land me a decent job. I'm in this mall, and I'm lamenting that everyone around me looks super-model and GQ perfect. Even the scenery looks like it came out of a Martha Stewart magazine. I feel gnarled and archaic in contrast. But no one seems to notice. When they pass me, they look impressed. I find a mirror and discover that somehow, I too have become super-model perfect. Something about this smells fishy. So I start heading up this escalator and a hot black girl is passing me on her way down. As I'm gawking at her, something strange happens. The 'image' of her short circuits, like a TV with out cable, and suddenly I see her as she really is: average looking by today's standards. Her hair is all frizzy and she's got zits, she's short and her clothes are shabby. I'm wonder struck. I wander around some more and the same thing starts happening to everyone I pass, until finally, no body looks "good" any more. Even the scenery disintegrates into your typical, run-down and littered urban mess. Instead of alarming me, this relieves me. I'm the only one who notices this, however. Every time I talk to someone, it's clear that they still think everything is "beautiful", and I have to go along with it because I'm not sure what would happen to me if they knew I was seeing the truth behind the hollograms. I don't think they're even aware that this other truth exists. It's difficult though, because I can't "turn the hollogram back on", so I have to bluff my way through conversations about things that I can't see. Then I meet a Kevin Spacy look-alike. He knows what's going on. It's happened to him too. So, he takes me under his wing to teach me how to cope. He takes me to a chapel to listen to this preacher who gives secret messages to folks like us that are embedded in his sermons. Then Kev takes me to this balcony over-looking (a rather rough looking) sea front, that everyone else looks at and sees a paradisal get-away spot. He tells me I have to jump. I'm scared. I can't do it. He says I'll be fine as long as I don't panic, and then he just pushes me off the balcony. The whole way down, I'm watching the horizon come up to meet me, and I just keep thinking, "it's okay, it's okay, just go with it. just take it in. relax your mind. it's okay." And then I hit the water. Everything goes black for a second, and then I open my eyes. All I see is bubbles rising and the sun refracting from the water's surface, and getting further and further away. That's when I woke up.

:: natabaloo 8:55 AM [+] :: Shout Out ...

:: Sunday, March 23, 2003 ::

What a weekend! Thursday night I went to the impromptu protest at Canada Place. Not many people, but plenty of horns honking on the way by. On Friday I hooked up for coffee with a new friend from school, and we decided to meet up at the Weaker Thans show at Grant Mac that night. Totally a blast. The opening band, Mico from Calgary, are definitely ones to watch. On Saturday I went to the Peace March. Ran in to an old friend from waaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day. I'm talking high school, summer o' '95 type back in the day. That was a trip. So, I might hook up with him for coffee one of these days. Good to hear he's doing well. The marching crowd was bigger than the one in February. The scene in front of the Legislature building was insane. I took more pictures. Then, my old nursing friend called, which blew me away because she seemed to have dropped off the face of the planet for a few weeks there. So we had some drinks and caught up. Then for the evening, I hooked up with one of my old V. House buddies and her boyfriend, as well as another couple I know from way back in Lloyd. I finally got to check out the new Likwid Lounge. Not bad. I think I was expecting more though, what with all the build-up it's had over the last month or so. I can see what a great venue it'll be for live shows. I've got so much catching up to do for school now it's not even funny!! Gotta get serious about my guitar again too. Oh ya, have I mentioned? I've finally picked up a guitar and I'm not gonna put it down until I can play it. So I've got my emergency computer up and running, but the sound doesn't work, so I'll have to hold off on that for a while. Always something with these damn machines!! Also, I started tutoring this week. So far I think I've been pretty useless as I have no idea what I'm doing yet, but I'm getting there. I ordered some how-to books from the library that should help. We'll see. Anyhoo, must go and get something done now. Must.

:: natabaloo 3:08 PM [+] :: 2 Shout Outs ...

:: Wednesday, March 19, 2003 ::

So far, untitled...

These are hollow hallmarks
of gloom, sweet friend.
Surely, you can feel me calling
even through your grieving
So act,
act on that foolish impulse!
I'm watching with my third eye
singing from the seventh chakra.
Swallow me whole
and let me hail the new haleluhja

:: natabaloo 11:36 AM [+] :: Shout Out ...

:: Sunday, March 16, 2003 ::

Not my best work, but I wrote this one last week. The tune for it in my head is somewhat "Ween"-like...

STAY

The tip of my tongue
reaches down to your shoulder
Not quite the way that
you thought it would do.
But I'll find the truth burried under your pleasure.
You thought I was different,
well how about you?
How about you?

Cause this is the end
of playing with houses
before all your blues
fade into grey.
And the blood in your shoes
leaves a trail you can't master,
Just give in to someone,
She might even stay.

The curtains are drawn
with a sigh of completion.
How can you say that
you knew this would be?
The visions you had
were of some other lifetime.
You want an aprentice well how about me?
How about me?

Cause this is the end
of playing with houses,
before all your blues fade into grey.
And the blood in your shoes
leave a trail you can't master.
Just give in to someone,
she might even stay.
She might even stay.
She might even stay.
She might even stay.

:: natabaloo 2:27 PM [+] :: 2 Shout Outs ...

:: Saturday, March 15, 2003 ::

Okay, just one quick one since you asked so nicely...

SOBRIETY

Even if you can't remember
why the ink dried faster
in the days of wasting breath
on galvanizing souls,
Keep in mind that you were tamer
plunging to your death with passion
nightly as the lesser beasts
hungered for your sinking limbs

And as the ripples settled in
you anted up the gin
Faces paled from grey to green
and lovers freyed along the seams

Your palms upturned and open
Only God could crack you secrets
Until they lost their meaning:
and all punishments revoked.
And penitence was wasted
on those too stoned for vengeance,
forgiving every mortal vice
they wanted for themselves

And as the ripples settled in
you anted up the gin
Faces paled from grey to green
and lovers freyed along the seams

So you recant sobriety
hoping no one saw you clean
and let precipitation
huddle in pools around the sockets
you once counted for your eyes
And marvel at the way that love
can paint you in streaks of destruction
that smear the perfect tragedy
of your imagery

And as the ripples settle in
you ante up the gin
Faces pale from grey to green
and lovers frey along the seams

:: natabaloo 11:32 AM [+] :: Shout Out ...