I've been thinking about this a lot lately: I still believe in marriage, under the right circumstances. In I'd very much like to do it myself someday. There was a time when getting married was outlawed, and the most subversive act you could do. Hence the martyr St. Valentine. In the present climate of being hastily judgemental about all things Christian, I think these things are good to keep in mind. Marriage and loyalty are good, powerfully emotional, human things to accomplish. On the other hand, I just don't think I will ever get married, and here's why: I perpetually fall in love with the kind of guys who aren't really interested in security and long-term commitments; at least not with me. Plus, I get restless if I sit still for too long. There's some deep-seated possessiveness in this heart of mine, and I must vigilantly combat it by espousing the "if you love someone, set them free" credo. That's why I'm so ambitious about my future career. I want to be prepared for a life-long curse of loneliness, because I've already seen it happen to a lot of my loved ones. Don't trust anyone to stick around forever. Ever since my dad died, my mom has persistantly drilled it in to me that you must not rely on a man to pay your bills. Number one, because nothing in life is safe and you can't expect it to last forever. Number two, because if I really love someone, I want him to know that I'm there because I want to be there, not because I have to be. Coming across as a user or 'gold digger' is a very sensitive issue for the modern gal. I refuse to be anyone's cage or burden. Still, it would be nice if I could be somebody's strength.

Anyhoo, on an unrelated note, I wrote this one last night.

RA

Shadows slither like lizards
on the periphery
of who I want to be.
Along this grid of holographic matter,
rendered pliant by illusions of the depth dimension,
flesh meets flesh
skin touches skin
even with light-years of space between.

Moving in paradoxical halves
toward the kindled fire
of mutual hearts
the morning always comes to soon
for the gentle moon,
the subtlest of satelites
betraying the darkness
with projections of the sun's light.