"Two ships passing in the night". Where does that phrase come from again?? There is an unmistakable sense of awe in the way we can drift in and out of each other's lives, coupled always by the perception that the people who should be listening probably aren't. Have you ever felt so sure of something you would have given your life to defend it, only to discover that you were looking in the wrong direction? Sometimes when I'm walking down the street, I think I see someone coming up next to me from the corner of my eye, but then I turn my head, and realize I was just seeing my own reflection in a window. We flinch at the sight of a body lurching towards us, completely missing the bullet coming up from behind. You think you're playing along, and then discover you've pissed everyone off and they don't want you to play anymore. There is no such thing as a gracious loser. There is no such thing as a rightous winner. There is only envy, in both directions. And most of the time, a person's actions run completely counter to their feelings. It's just that some people call it hypocrisy, others call it self-discipline. I know a lot of people who jump at things just because they vaguely see some kind of potential in it, even though they have no real grasp of what the outcome of said potential may be. Under age drinking comes to mind, of which I was certainly a part. The invention of the television too. No one ever stops to consider the down side until it's bearing down on them and there's no turning back. So what of people? What are you supposed to do with the naked babes who reach for you, only to find that your arms are just as cold and prickly and unsettling as the rest of them? We can spend a lifetime searching for the parents that loved us and hoisted us above their shoulders when we were infants, even when we know we will never find them. But then, if I really believed all that, I suppose I wouldn't be sitting here writing it all out, in the hopes that someone out there might resonate with what I say, might feel like I've touched a soft spot for them, made them cry with something sentimental in them that hasn't been killed off yet...
Echk. I hate headaches. I end up writing complete lunacy.