I was at a friend's house last summer, and I can't remember what we were talking about, but at some point he said, "Life is just so hard. Every day is a struggle." At the time, things were going fairly well for me, so all I could think to respond with was a smug "Well of course it is. That's the whole point." But now I'm not so sure. Why do we struggle? Why do we demand it of ourselves to be in constant perile with something? I have carried the notion of struggling around with me every day of my life, yet when I think of the moments I remember, as far back as my mind will go, I don't recall that sensation, not directly. I remember crying and moaning, I remember feeling pain, but I can't remember what the effort to get through it felt like. The only time I fully grasp the sensation of struggle is when I'm feeling it in the present tense. So if this is the case, there must be a way to expell this negativity from the psyche. Urgency never lasts beyond the moment when it is useful. Yet we cling to tense, fighting poses long after the need for it has passed, perhaps out of fear that if we forget what it feels like, our capacity for survival won't be there the next time we need it. Funny how human logic has nothing to do with actual logic. Oh whatever. What do I know? I guess it's just interesting the way it's so hard to go back to "standing at ease" after spending a long time "standing at attention". And then we wonder why our necks are so tense...