Finally!!! This thing wouldn't let me publish my last post (the dec. 14th one, "salt") all month. I gave up trying for a while. So anyway, I'm back again. So my latest thing is to be freaking out about the sparcity of my writing. I still write the odd poem here and there, a few stray bits of random thoughts, but nothing big, structured, book worthy. It feels an awful lot like writer's block. J and I are fine, my new job is alright (nothing I'd want to do forever, but the bills are paid, there's food on the table, and my coworkers are great, so I'm saticefied for now) I have plenty of friends. I should be ecstatic right now, but instead I'm just brooding about the fact that I feel like a piece of my brain is dying. A very important piece of my brain. To make matters worse, I had a terrible dream a few nights ago that J stopped speaking to me. I mean totally just cut me out. I tried to talk to him to ask what happened and he just pretended like I wasn't even standing in front of him. Then last night I had a dream that my mother died. I was balling my eyes out with my dream grand-dad (my real-life grand parents all died before I turned 15) and I was saying "I'm an orphan at age 25!" and some dream character next to me just snickered and said "we should all be so lucky". It was horrible!!!!!!!

Anyway, I better make sure I give my mommy a call today. And do some writing.